It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
