when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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