I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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