I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my shit smells like andre
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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