You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
