My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
