Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
