im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
