the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
