Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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