dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
