i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
