Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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