i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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