i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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