y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
