She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
