It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
