And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
