Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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