So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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