get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
