drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
