PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
