i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
