I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
