I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
