Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
