I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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