And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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