Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
