Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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