You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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