I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
