I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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