9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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