Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
