I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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