It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
