I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
