I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
