my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
