I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
