at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
