So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
