i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
