the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
