Don't make out with my wife yet
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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