I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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