It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
