I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
