wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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