Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
