You're completely useless in the revolution.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
