If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
