i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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