Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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