There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
